Too Late for Your ILY

“Hello” I smiled It was a story that started with hello.

How do I say this?

He was one of the people whom I admire the most. That “almost perfect guy” that I thought never existed actually exist. People didn’t actually matter. You’re perfect I’m not but it didn’t matter then. A life full of laughter and joy was found when we are together.

Then I woke up that day, my phone was ringing there was tons of miss calls from you.

What happened?

Once more you called so I answered my phone “Hello?” I heard a voice of a boy in distress; your voice was cracking as if you are crying for hours. I hung up the phone and run. A few kilometers didn’t bother me, I knock at your door as if I was about to break your door. I knocked and knocked and knocked and shouted your name for a hundred times, but no one went out. So I called you, but you are not picking up your phone so I decided to do a very dangerous act. I pick up a big rock and threw it on your window and break into your house. I ran around your house and shouted your name for the nth time, but you are nowhere to be found. There is nobody home.

Where are you? Where’s your family?

I stayed at your house for a few hours walking around and looking for a clue as I walk into your room it was a mess as if there was a storm passed through your room. I slowly walked and observed, suddenly I stepped into something I looked down and picked it up, it was so dark so I open the lights and to my shock it was a bullet. My hands were shaking.

Where are you?

I called you again, but you are still not picking up. I don’t know what to do so I went home and will wait if you would ever comeback, if not I’ll go to police and report your case.

I am still calling you but you are still not answering. I can’t sleep; I can’t eat what should I do? I went to school without a smile on my face,

Where’s my happy pill? He’s nowhere to be found.

It was lunch time I was eating at the open field staring nowhere.

Where are you?

As I am staring in the middle of nowhere I saw a man on a black hooded jacket and a black pants with a cap and a mask. I know that guy he was the one I was looking for last night. So I stood up and run toward him, but as I took steps closer to him, he ran away. I run until I reach the deep forest, I looked around I lost him again.

I was walking back to the school field but as I walked I realize that I’ve been here a few times. I forgot the way back I tried other directions but nothing worked out. I looked at my phone there’s no signal.

How do I get out of here?

I sat down on a big rock thinking of my way, but as I lose hope the boy wearing black hooded jacket appeared again, he didn’t speak instead he walked so I followed him. We’ve been walking quietly for almost 20 minutes now, so I started talking and asking him, where did he went, but he didn’t speak a word, so I shut my mouth.

A few more minutes we’re back to the school field, he stopped walking he faced me and took his mask off and I saw his face once more then he said “hello” I smiled and was supposed to speak but the school bell rang, I looked back and saw the students running inside the school campus, as I was to say goodbye to the boy that was in front me he vanished like a bubble.

I went inside my classroom then suddenly there was an announcement from the school’s principal that he was looking for me, my classmates looked at me. So I slowly stood up from my chair and went to the principal’s office. As I went inside his office he offered me a seat, so I sat down.

“Where did you go?”

“What do you mean sir?”

“Someone saw you are heading to the forest”

“Yes, sir I went into the forest”

“What are you doing there?”

“I saw him”

“You saw him?”

“Yes sir”

“How sure are you?”

“A hundred percent sure sir”

“Hey, I know he’s not here, but you need to accept that”

“No sir, he’s still here, he’s not lost, and I just saw him a while ago!”

“I know it is hard for you, but you need to accept the fact that he’s lost”

“He’s still here sir” A tear fell from my eyes; I can’t hide my emotions anymore.

“Yes, he’s still here why don’t you visit him while he’s still here?”

“I can’t”

“I know you want to see him, I’ll go with you”

Time flies it was already the end of day and as promised the school principal joined me as we visit him. My heart is beating so fast.

How should I feel?

“We’re here” I went out from the taxi that we are riding, I saw a building with lots of people, as I walk into the building I saw people whose wearing smiles on their faces, but is it all real? I saw some of my classmates looking at me so I looked at my feet instead. I’m shy. As we walk we are heading into a glass door I look at it and I can see a room with lots of lights and full with people talking. As our principal opens the door fragrances of flowers greet us then I saw HIM.

A picture of him wearing a big smile, he seems so happy in that picture. Unconsciously tears started to fell from my eyes as I take steps closer to you. I just can’t believe what I am seeing. Why are you sleeping for so long? Please wake up; I need to tell you something. I haven’t even told you that I’ve been admiring you for a long time; I haven’t even told you that you are special to me and you are the reason why I smile every day. I wished I have told you.

When you are STILL ALIVE.

All this time I have been daydreaming of what could have been. I wish I had the courage to approach you and didn’t stay contented on you simple “hello” every day. I wish I had the guts to talk to you casually and not just text you or call you due to a school requirement. I wish I have told you how much you mean to me and how you make me smile in your own simple ways. Maybe if I have talked to you we are now close as what I have imagined.

But you what I have regret the most?

I wish that night I was able to answer your calls when your life was in danger, if only I didn’t put my phone on silent while sleeping, maybe I have called a police and you are still alive. I wish I could bring back time and make it all right.

But it was too late.

I was looking at you, you’re peacefully sleeping. Good thing they already arrested those guys who just suddenly shoot you without any purpose. Sorry if I wasn’t able to help you that night. I am the last person you called, but I was not there to help you.

But why did you call me that night? Why are you asking for my help and not others?

As I continue to regret things his mother came to me and hand me a notebook. “Read it” said. I thought it was your diary but on the first page it was title

“Log Book”. It wasn’t as simple log book, it contains the time, date and place where we will bump into each other or talk. The last page of his log book shocked me, it was the night where he was killed by men who are under the influence of drugs, there was a note written.

“Tonight I’ll confess to you and asked you if I could court you. I’ll even asked the permission of your parents, I know I’ll get nervous so I wrote a letter and

I will just read it in case my mind goes blank”

There was a paper folded into three, this is the letter he was talking about, I open it and started to read it.

“Hey there! Did I shock you from coming into your house in the middle of the night? Well yeah, sorry if I am reading this to you, I know my mind will went blank when I reach your house so I’ll just read this so I could express my thoughts and feelings for you. It was exactly 2 years, 7 months and 24 days since the day we became classmates, you’re a quiet and a shy one. At first you are just a classmate who just transferred to our school, but as time goes by I have observed that you didn’t make a single friend, so I questioned “What kind of person are you? Why are you always alone?” so I started to observe you.

I discovered that you lack self-confidence, that’s the reason why you don’t have friends; you always look down and never put your chin up. But you are beautiful; I don’t know why you are not confident enough. Since I know what you lack I started to say “hello” to you every time we bumped into each other. At first I know your shy, but slowly you’re giving me replies it started from a confuse look, to a calmer look, got used look, a peak of your smile, a wide smile until you replied the word “hello”, I was so glad that moment, that I questioned myself why do I feel such joy with a simple reply?

It confuses me, but as time goes by I continue to observe you and discovered a lot of things from you. I know your beautiful, smart, honest, caring I have also discovered that you have a talent in arts and in music. How did I discover your talent in art and in music? I’ll tell you some other time, cause that is not my agenda today. Don’t worry it is just me who knows that.

So I know you’re wondering where do is this getting so I’ll be straight forward. I am here because I want to tell you how I feel about you. I just want you to know that you are special to me and I can’t hide it anymore. As I get to know you more, my feeling towards you is getting deeper. I know it’s weird but yes I’m in love with you”

Tears continue to flow; I don’t know what to feel anymore. Why does this letter makes me happy but at the same time hurt me. I stood up and went to your coffin I saw sleeping peacefully again. Why didn’t the universe allow us to be together?

“Thank you, but I know it’s too late. Goodbye”