A Reason to Stay

It was actually scary when I attended the first day of prayer meeting. I was talking to God and told Him na

“Lord ang hirap na po”

I continually say those words and told Him all of my rants and pain I can remember saying

“Hirap na hirap na po ako”

Then for the whole night I was crying so hard, I was crying my heart out then I said “Lord, sama na ako sa inyo” Then sinabi ko ata yun for about 20 or more times then bigla akong nagising and I told myself “Ano ba yang sinasabi mo? Do you really want to be dead?”

Then I asked myself “Bakit mo ba gustong mawala?” Nag-isip ako, then narealize ko na wla akong reason to leave this world Wala nmn palang reason to leave pero bakit gusto mong sumama na kay Lord? “Think positive Joycie, fight this negative thoughts. Think of reasons to stay”

Then di ko namalayan na I was having an argument with myself. Yung mag iisip ako ng reason to stay, pero I have my excuses not to. Nung moment na wala na akong maisip na reason to stay, mas lalong lumakas yung iyak ko

Wala akong reason to leave, pero wala din akong reason to stay. Ang nasabi ko lang “Bakit pa ako nag eexist? Wala naman akong reason to leave or to stay” The first night of prayer meeting ended with a big question mark in my mind. “Ano bang reason ko to stay?”

The second night of the prayer meeting ganoon paden. Mas tumindi nga actually I saw myself saying

“Lord pag nandyan na ako wala ng pain, wala ng suffering, walang judgement, walang disappointment, walang worries puro saya na lang. lord dyan na ko please”

The whole night ganoon lang ako ng ganoon. Siguro sobrang hirap at pagod na din talaga ako. I went home with that kind of heart then everything changes when I saw someone who needs my help

This is my reason to stay, I have the duty to save people from the whispers of the evil one to give up. That’s why today I am thanking our Father for breaking me because my brokeness would help broken people to be healed. They need someone who can understand them

Today I am saying:

“Lord break me even more! Tear me into billion pieces so I would always rely on you. Break me more than I could imagine so you could use me greatly”

Yes! I might not have a reason to stay for myself, but they are my reason to stay. I am living not for myself, but for other people most especially I am living for my God And that is my greatest reason to stay. I will stay

"It is important to know your reason to stay. To know your purpose."